Even Stars Fall
by TheTalkingFlower
Summary: **WARNING: SUICIDE COULD BE TRIGGERING!** Daltonverse with Angst!Logan. AU Where Julian dies after Hell Night and Logan is left to deal with it.


**WARNINGS: Suicide could be TRIGGERING and you have been warned. DO NOT READ if you want to avoid such content. Also, offensive language is used.**

**Summary:** Daltonverse. AU Where Julian dies after Hell Night and Logan is left to deal with it.

**Disclaimers:** I do not own Glee. I do not own Dalton. This is a drabble with thought. Sorry if it is rough!

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**Even Stars Fall**

One month. Logan couldn't believe that it had only been one month since he held his best friend, unresponsive, in his arms. Now, one month later, he stood in front of his mirror, wondering if he should do anything about the dark circle under his dull eyes.

He didn't want to go. He wished he could just tear off his best suit and curl up in his bed until Julian sauntered into his room and told him off for being such a pussy.

But Julian wouldn't saunter anywhere ever again. Logan turned away from his mirror, choking back a sob, and began to leave his room. Derek awaited him downstairs, having been annoyingly clingy since Hell Night had gone down, insisting that he didn't want Logan to be alone with everything he was going through. Derek was the only one Logan had told about Julian's confession and the only one that knew how Logan was confused has to how to interpret his feelings toward Julian. After the initial anger over Derek knowing all about Julian's secret, yet still keeping it from him for so long, Logan had slipped back into his mental coma. He hadn't had to take his medicine in a month. One month, to be exact. He was subdued enough as is. But hadn't he wanted to feel? Wasn't this feeling? This raw, angry, festering sore that was his heart?

"Lo…" Derek turned his sad eyes up to Logan, who had arrived downstairs without even realizing it. "Are you sure you can do this?"

Logan reached up and brusquely brushed the tears off his cheeks that he hadn't noticed were falling in a steady stream. "Shut up, Derek. Let's go."

They left Stuart house and went to a small, secluded courtyard of Dalton's. The gardens were in full bloom, and Logan couldn't help but think that Jules would have loved the shooting stars that were beginning to bloom throughout the other, more pruned plants. However, the image of beauty was ruined by the figures in black that stood awkwardly scattered, not knowing enough to deal with themselves, let alone how to begin to comfort others.

Occasionally the buzz of whispered conversation was interrupted by the outburst of a heartbroken sob, many of them coming from Julian's mother. Logan's breath caught in his throat and the entire scene froze before his eyes. He saw Kurt, tears flowing from his beautiful eyes, accepting Blaine's handkerchief (always the old-fashioned gentleman). He saw Bailey standing among a few other Stuarts, head hung and shoulders drooping. He saw himself, frozen, waiting for someone. Someone who would never come.

Logan knew the casket would be closed before he even laid eyes on it. No one would want their last memory of Julian to be his fire-mangled body. Devoid of life, cold, yet bearing the marks of killer heat. The last of the guests filed in before the priest began to speak. It was complete bullshit meant to comfort the adults, and meant nothing to any of the younger guests, but it wasn't long before Julian's friends were being called up to say a few words about him.

Clark Sawyer, Reed's step-brother and Julian's cast mate, talked about what a lovely actor Julian was and how he was loved among the cast and looked after like a younger brother they never had.

Derek talked about what a good friend Julian was and how, even though he wasn't always present, he was always there (maybe not wholly true, but a good sentiment none-the-less).

"L-Logan? Would you like to come up and- and do your part?" Derek's mask of bravado cracked as he looked at the only other remaining member of the Stuart Trio. Alone, they stood, but together their grief was uncontainable.

Standing, Logan passed the casket and let his fingers trail over its smooth, glossy surface as he made his way to the podium. He hadn't really prepared a speech, rather a song, since Julian understood that was a language in which Logan was more eloquent. Logan, however, still had to explain to the audience.

"Today we're asked to remember Julian. One of my best- well, really, one of my only friends. He-…" Logan stopped to clear his throat and take a breath before continuing, "He was a pain in the ass, to be honest… but he was my pain in the ass. You see, I'm kind of high maintenance and there have been very few constants in my life. Derek, who just spoke, was one of them, and Julian was the other. I don't think Julian ever understood how much he meant to me… but he knew I was never good with words. He understood that I do better feeling through singing than trying to put how I feel into just words. If you would please, I would like the chance to sing to Julian… one last time."

There was a ripple that went through the crowd, especially the Dalton boys, when they realized what Logan was about to do, but Logan just turned to the casket and began to sing with nothing but the breeze to accompany him. The silence before he struck his first note was deafening.

_I remember tears streaming down your face  
When I said, 'I'll never let you go'  
When all those shadows almost killed your light  
I remember you said, 'Don't leave me here alone'  
But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight_

Tears ran down many of the faces in the crowd, but for once, Logan's stayed dry as he closed his eyes and remembered Julian as he would for the remainder of his life: Laughing, smirking behind his sunglasses, making jokes. The old Jules before Hell Night. Before his secret. Before.

_Just close your eyes  
The sun is going down  
You'll be alright  
No one can hurt you now  
Come morning light  
You and I'll be safe and sound_

Whenever Logan paused, the breeze ran through the trees or ruffled his hair, a perfect accompaniment in the otherwise silent crowd. Even Dolce had been able to quiet her sobs as she sat in amazement at the raw emotion pouring out of Logan. To listen to his song was to be able to listen to one's own grief.

_Don't you dare look out your window darling  
Everything's on fire  
The war outside our door keeps raging on  
Hold on to this lullaby  
Even when the music's gone  
Gone_

_Just close your eyes  
The sun is going down  
You'll be alright  
No one can hurt you now  
Come morning light  
You and I'll be safe and sound_

A soft chorus from the other Warblers joined in with Logan to create a colorful harmony that was all notes and emotions. Words were not powerful enough to hold what Logan needed them to, until the song softly came to a close and Logan slipped back to his seat. No applause was offered, and he expected none.

The rest of the ceremony passed in a blur to Logan. He sat and looked as empty as he had for the past month and nodded when he felt he should. In the end, he hugged Dolce and went back to Stuart house. He did not mingle with the others and he doubted whether they noticed him slip off. He was unable to bear the weight of the reality of Julian's death.

Logan did not cry, even in the seclusion of his room. He had known for a few weeks now what this day signified for him. Derek did not know, Logan's own little secret. It wasn't pay-back for Derek not telling him Julian's secret, he just wanted to keep this to himself.

He kept his suit on, and pinned the shooting star he had surreptitiously picket to his lapel. Logan simply walked out the front door of Stuart and got into his Jeep. Everyone was busy with Julian's funeral still. No one would notice.

No one would notice as Logan drove, and drove. It was almost an hour before someone noticed Logan's car missing, but by then he was almost there.

The Jeremiah Morrow Bridge. Tallest bridge in Ohio. _I am so fucking cliché_, thought Logan as he pulled over. Stopping is prohibited, but Logan put on his hazards anyways. _Someone will just think I broke down or something_, he hoped. The bridge was to be put out of commission in a few years as a new bridge was built. _How ironic_.

The breeze was lovely as Logan peered over the edge of the southbound edge of I-71. The Little Miami River winked up at him in the sunshine. So innocent, so inviting.

"Did you know that six people attempt to commit suicide here every year?" Logan began speaking softly to the wind, climbing onto the small concrete barrier of the bridge. "I'm just another statistic."

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a picture of Julian and himself from freshman year. They were both smiling in the sun, eyes hidden behind matching sunglasses. Logan clenched his fist tight over the pictures and took one last look over the edge of the bridge.

"I told you, Jules, you and I? We'll be safe and sound. Together. Wait for me just a little longer, okay? I've kept you waiting so damn long and I'm so sorry. I just beg you, please, please don't hate me. Please? Alright. I'm coming. I'm sorry. I'm coming for you."

And so Logan jumped.

And so, two months after Hell Night, another funeral was held.

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